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Monthly Archives: October 2011

Pretty Good Mood-Nothing Done in the House…

Well, the title says it all! I was in a pretty good mood today (probably because it was Halloween!!!!), but I haven’t really gotten anything done. I picked up a few things from the dining room the other day, but it wasn’t much. I have been sleeping A LOT. My nights and days are actually mixed up, so maybe it just seems like a lot because I don’t wake up until around noon! I have discovered that I am actually a morning person, except that I have a hard time falling asleep at night so then in the morning I feel groggy. Actually, usually around 3 AM I wake up, wide awake, but I always feel like 3 is too early to wake up. I may start trying to just get up then and take a nap after I have some things done. That way if I feel groggy after my nap, things will still have gotten done that day! That’s about all I have to report today. Nothing spectacular.

 

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Bad Couple of Days

I have been in kind of a funky mood the past couple of days which means I haven’t got anything done. On a positive note, I have made myself a goal to get the house cleared out before Thanksgiving and my reward is I am going to dye my hair! I haven’t dyed my hair for a couple of years so this is going to be exciting. My husband and I have found a hair color we both agree on according the the pictures online. We will have to see if the color is as true on my hair as it is on the model! So I have some new found energy to get things done. Unfortunately I have not done anything today and it is already 6 PM. I MUST finish the coat closet (yes the one from earlier this week) tonight and also the dining room. Wish me luck!

What’s Most Important?

Well I am still awake at 12:51 AM. Why? Because I realized I hadn’t checked my math homework since Tuesday and found out I had two assignments due at 11:59 PM. So I forsook everything else to get those assignments done in 2 hours. I got one done. Although then I found out that my teacher extended the due date until Monday at 11:59 PM. So at least I have one assignment done and a chance to catch up on the other one.

I am a student. I am also a wife and a mother and as such, a homemaker. I am involved in our church, but would like to be more. I would also like to volunteer my time in the community somehow, but don’t really have any definite plans on that. Also, I am hopefully starting up a business. So I have 7 roles in life and I am not sure how I am supposed to know which is most important at any given time. I didn’t get our laundry put in the washer because I had to get those assignments finished. I should have taken 10 minutes out to get the laundry in the washer so that I wouldn’t be sitting up waiting for it to finish, but hindsight is 20/20. I went with the most pressing issue rather than the most logical one.

I didn’t want to have to plan my days, but I am still not quite at the place of being able to just live in the moment. I think that will come after I get rid of 90% of our items. Once the most pressing issue of clearing out the house is gone I can get my roles more evened out. I had to drop a couple classes again this semester and that is frustrating. So that is definitely pressing. I just feel guilty because I feel like my role as a wife, mother, community member, and friend are going to the back now. I want to make it so that I have balance in my life. I don’t want to feel like I am giving up one of my roles for another. Seven roles is a good amount to balance. I have an active life, but am not overwhelmed with it all. I think that it will be easier once I graduate next spring. The role of college student takes up a huge chunk of time, but it is only for 4 years (or in my case 6…and no I am not getting my Masters or Doctorate…)

So maybe that is where my problem lies. I feel like “Student” is defining my life too much, but in reality it will not be a defining role overall in my life. Sure, while “Student” is on my list of roles it feels huge, but it is tiny in comparison to “Mother”. I have 2 children so far and that has been a part of my life for 7 years. “Wife” has been a role for 8. So I am not seeing the big picture. I am looking at this moment and time and panicking. I am still going to be working on making things a little more even with some planning, but I don’t need to make them “even” in the sense that I do the same amount of work on each role, each day. It will all work out if I trust myself. I have the ability to feel at peace with my choices. I just need to quiet my mind and dwell upon things.

Edited to add: I was sitting here thinking and realized that my role as Homemaker is not as big as I thought. I think about cleaning on the time. I know I should get up and clean a lot, but I don’t make it a must. It isn’t something that I just do like most people. I am constantly thinking about it and that is why it seems like since a huge role. If I am not actually doing anything, then it isn’t that big of a role after all. Of course, that is all changing now since one of my major goals in life is to create a peaceful environment, both in my house and in my spirit.

Living Intentionally

I have been working on trying to live intentionally. You know what? I have actually gotten more done. This morning I decided that I wanted to get the boys a bath, so I did. Then I made the bed and got myself dressed. Because I wanted to. My oldest son has been home sick with a stomach virus and he wanted me to watch some TV with him, so I did. It is amazingly freeing to do things intentionally.

I used to think about things that I really thought I *should* do, but I never actually did them. It always put so much stress on me because I knew that I should get more done, but I felt pressured to get certain things done. I wanted to do everything that a “good” wife and mother should. But what I thought I should do was based upon others preconceived notions of what the definition of a wife and mother should be. I am now creating my own definition of who I am; as a wife, a mother, and most important as me.

Our Minimalist Life Starts TODAY, Not Tomorrow!

I was really tempted to say, “I will start changing our life/house tomorrow”, but then I remembered my new motto “Tomorrow doesn’t exist, there is only today”. If I put off clearing out our stuff until tomorrow we will be drowning in stuff next year! We are planning on moving in May so this is a perfect time to start clearing everything out. So I started at the coat closet. This is what I have accomplished tonight:

I still have to vacuum up the floor and clear off the top shelf. My husband wanted me to keep his tools in the closet for him, so I boxed them up instead of having them all over the floor. I am very happy with my accomplishments tonight. This is the first time I didn’t stop to plan. I knew that I wanted to bag up all the “good” items until later so that the decision making process won’t slow me down like it has before. I threw out all obvious trash and will make all decisions at the end when every room has been bagged up. I am feeling much better already!

Fear

Fear is what is holding me back. I decided to go from hoarder to minimalist a week ago. I have since taken no action toward that. Why? Because I am afraid. A huge component of hoarding is fear and anxiety. I am going to have to let go of that fear in order to let go of my possessions.

What am I afraid of? I am afraid of being alone. I know, that is crazy. I have a family and my hoarding is pushing them away, but “things” seem so comforting.  Since I was a child I have felt alone. I thought once I got married and had children that would somehow fill the void I felt in my life, but I was already so attached to things by then that I didn’t get rid of them to replace it with love of my family. Oh, I do love my family and I feel like they love me, but I don’t trust that love. I have more of a trust for “stuff” than I do for people. This is horrible, I know, but I wanted to be honest with my feelings.

So tonight after dinner I am starting to let go. I will be bagging up our items. The obvious trash will be thrown away, other items will be bagged up and put in a staging area of my house until all nonessential items are bagged and we will all go through them as a family and decide what items we want to give away and what items we want to sell. I am giving myself three weeks to have the house packed up. I MUST get everything in the house packed up in the next three weeks. There will be an update later.

This is Going to be a Long Journey…

Well after being all gung-ho and writing my Must List on Friday, I continued reading The Minimalists journey to becoming minimalists. One thing that I have come to realize is that if a hoarder is going to become a minimalist it won’t be in 21 days! I am going to be continuing on my journey, but it will be at a slower pace. For instance, my Must List did not become musts in my brain. I am rewriting them and putting them in my Life Binder that I have created. I need to get things more specific and what things I know I must do, not things I think I must do for some generic reason.

Today will be about making my Must List and creating my “End Plan”. I have tried over the years to change, but I was always planning on my journey to the change. One thing that I have found out is that I just need to have an end goal, I don’t need to plan the journey. If I have an end goal, I will reach it and I need to enjoy the process wherever it may take me. I can’t control how I will get somewhere, I can only decide where I want to go and see where the journey takes me.