Well I am still awake at 12:51 AM. Why? Because I realized I hadn’t checked my math homework since Tuesday and found out I had two assignments due at 11:59 PM. So I forsook everything else to get those assignments done in 2 hours. I got one done. Although then I found out that my teacher extended the due date until Monday at 11:59 PM. So at least I have one assignment done and a chance to catch up on the other one.
I am a student. I am also a wife and a mother and as such, a homemaker. I am involved in our church, but would like to be more. I would also like to volunteer my time in the community somehow, but don’t really have any definite plans on that. Also, I am hopefully starting up a business. So I have 7 roles in life and I am not sure how I am supposed to know which is most important at any given time. I didn’t get our laundry put in the washer because I had to get those assignments finished. I should have taken 10 minutes out to get the laundry in the washer so that I wouldn’t be sitting up waiting for it to finish, but hindsight is 20/20. I went with the most pressing issue rather than the most logical one.
I didn’t want to have to plan my days, but I am still not quite at the place of being able to just live in the moment. I think that will come after I get rid of 90% of our items. Once the most pressing issue of clearing out the house is gone I can get my roles more evened out. I had to drop a couple classes again this semester and that is frustrating. So that is definitely pressing. I just feel guilty because I feel like my role as a wife, mother, community member, and friend are going to the back now. I want to make it so that I have balance in my life. I don’t want to feel like I am giving up one of my roles for another. Seven roles is a good amount to balance. I have an active life, but am not overwhelmed with it all. I think that it will be easier once I graduate next spring. The role of college student takes up a huge chunk of time, but it is only for 4 years (or in my case 6…and no I am not getting my Masters or Doctorate…)
So maybe that is where my problem lies. I feel like “Student” is defining my life too much, but in reality it will not be a defining role overall in my life. Sure, while “Student” is on my list of roles it feels huge, but it is tiny in comparison to “Mother”. I have 2 children so far and that has been a part of my life for 7 years. “Wife” has been a role for 8. So I am not seeing the big picture. I am looking at this moment and time and panicking. I am still going to be working on making things a little more even with some planning, but I don’t need to make them “even” in the sense that I do the same amount of work on each role, each day. It will all work out if I trust myself. I have the ability to feel at peace with my choices. I just need to quiet my mind and dwell upon things.
Edited to add: I was sitting here thinking and realized that my role as Homemaker is not as big as I thought. I think about cleaning on the time. I know I should get up and clean a lot, but I don’t make it a must. It isn’t something that I just do like most people. I am constantly thinking about it and that is why it seems like since a huge role. If I am not actually doing anything, then it isn’t that big of a role after all. Of course, that is all changing now since one of my major goals in life is to create a peaceful environment, both in my house and in my spirit.